I was looking at a higher end photography site today. They specialize in Weddings and Family portraits. They have some very beautiful pictures on the site and it is obvious that they are complete professionals at what they do. I began to read the wedding section and it talks about how your Wedding photos are an Investment (yes, it needs to be capitalized) and goes on to say that "There is nothing more important than your wedding day." Nothing? Really? Wow.
Now don't get me wrong, I am very excited about my wedding day. It will be a very special day to me. We are putting a lot of planning and thought into it so that it will be a great day for both of us as well as our family and friends. But I am troubled with the statement that nothing is more important. I have had a lot of important days in my life - the birth of my sons, graduations, falling in love - and honestly I plan on having many more. I hope my wedding day does not remain the most important day of my life, because I plan on having a lot more of them!
This is where the Wedding Industry Complex works its psychological magic. You must believe that it is the single most important event that has ever occurred in your life (and will always be) so that you accept paying in the thousands for a photographer and more for a dress than you make in one month. So that you believe you have to have the coolest trend in favors to hand out to your guests or they wont enjoy themselves; you wont be quite happy enough if you dont have the right kind of flower or enough bridesmaids. You insist you need to have that little heart shaped silk pillow to tie your ring to so your cute little niece in her flouncy overpriced dress can carry it down the aisle for you. You not only get the "his" and "hers" champagne flutes for the dinner toast but splurge to have them engraved with the date and year of your wedding, because there is nothing more important than your wedding day.
I know I come off a little bitter, and yeah, I guess I am. But I'm not bitter towards the girls who choose to have all these things at their wedding; that is their choice. I am bitter at how consumerism drives the way we plan things in our life. Things that are important and special days can only be shown that they are just that by putting as much money as possible towards it. If you choose to get married in your backyard in a dress you ordered off the internet while serving food you purchased at Costco, does that mean your day will be less important or less special than the wedding at the reception center down the street?
I would like to think that my wedding day will be one of the important days of my life, but not because of what I spent on it. It will be that because of all the heart and soul we have been putting into planning it. It will be that because we will be able to share it with those who are closest to us. It will be that because it will be a reflection of who we are, and what is important to us. It will be that because it will be us.
6 comments:
I think that is part of why people elope. I also hope that it is not the last special day of your life because that will be really boring to watch. :) It will be beautiful, no matter what you decide to do or not do.
I agree completely! I wanted this huge expensive lavish wedding but reality set in and my husband and I paid for everything ourselves. We still tried the best we could. Funny thing is after all was said and done, and if I could do it all again, rather than renting a big reception hall and inviting 500 guests, I would have rather had a more intimate gathering, of only those closest to us.
Not only has the wedding industry got you thinking you need to pay top dollar or your marriage is doomed, but also the baby industry!!! Why do they charge $17 for a cute little onesie???? Because you will pay it!!!
I wish there was a [This is Good] option for this.
This is precisely why the hubby and I had a VERY small wedding...I think we maybe had 15 people there, my brother took pictures(some of them Polaroids) and we all went to The Olive Garden afterwards for italian food and got drunk on cheap wine. LOL. Yeah that was my wedding day. I wouldn't trade it for anything...
I think that some people need the big day, with the 20 thousand dollar dress,500 guests, and the big ring. For me and my hubby all we needed was each other, our closest family and friends. I guess it's different for everyone...
I think it's important to just do what feels right for YOU and your hubby to be. Who wants to start a marriage deep in debt up to the eyeballs just for ONE day of joy? Not me!
As the person who is planning the wedding in the back yard, let me say that no amount of money, trendiness, or painstaking planning can make a wedding into more than it is. If the person you will marry is someone that you truly love and respect, then the wedding is by default an important and momentous occasion. We've all been to weddings that ended in disaster (either at the wedding itself, or a few years down the line) and I have never been able to draw a correlation between the amount of money spent and the ensuing happiness or longevity of the marriage. Bonnie and Brandon are absolutely right in their observation that the business catering to the wedding industry are vulturous scavengers who gladly stoop to the level of implying that the sum spent equals the amount of love you feel.
Thanks for all the comments! I think there is a difference between what you need, and what society tells you that you need. I just hope that all the gals getting married can distinguish that for themselves.
Anon: I look forward to your wedding in your backyard; I hope you have felt as empowered as I have in taking things in your own hands with planning your wedding. I'm sure it will be a great event :)
People get way too caught up in planning a wedding that I think they forget something more important which is planning their lives together. After coming 2 days shy of marrying absolutely the wrong guy for me, I realized how trite the actual wedding can be. I was one of those girls wrapped up in the wedding and ignoring the voice in the back of my head telling me I was making a huge mistake. When Andrew and I got married, I honestly didn't care much about the details. We hired a reception center so that it would be as stress free as possible. I just told them to make it pretty and that I couldn't care less about the centerpieces or much else for that matter. The wedding planner thought I was nutso. At least I didn't become a bridezilla! (at least I hope not)
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