I am a different kind of mom

I've thought about this subject a lot the last seven months. I'm a very different mom than I was when I had Tyler and Nathan, but that doesn't necessarily mean I am better. Just different. I do truly believe I was the best mom I could be and did the best job I knew how raising them. I think thats all you really can ask of any parent - considering what you know, who you are, and what resources you have. I was such a young mom! I knew nothing about being a parent (although I had many years of babysitting all kinds of kids under my belt), I had no friends that were parents, I had very little educational resources to turn to. I was a very traditional parent, and tried hard to 'follow the rules'. Following the rules meant I was a good parent. What my doctor said was gospel, any advice my mom gave me was truth, and the things I read in the few books I had was the way things should be. I couldn't imagine disagreeing with a doctor or thinking there was more than one way to raise a baby.

Again, I am not saying I am better now than I was then. I mean, look at my older boys! They are awesome. They grew up healthy, learned the things they needed to learn at the right times, and for the most part I think they had a happy childhood and a good life. I almost have a hard time taking much credit in their growing up and would deny I had much to do with it if I hadn't been there myself to witness it.

I am so different now. The world is so different as well. I am a parent of a baby again. A whole different parent it seems. There are so many ways to raise a child these days (and I assume there was also back then, I just didn't know it). I have access to more information on babies and child rearing than I ever could have imagined in my young adulthood. I only have to do some searching on the internet to find out everything I need to know on any subject I want. I can't imagine what it would have taken to find out all the different methods of feeding, sleeping, and raising a child back in the early 90's. I also could not fathom looking at other's opinions and wisdom as advice back then, instead of word. I have a whole different perspective on it all now. I sometimes think the 'me' then would be appalled at the 'me' now.

But here I am, the 'me' now. Raising another boy in this world. Ultimately, I am still worried about the same things I was worried about then. Will he be happy? Will he have a good life? Will I be able to give him everything he needs, and some of the things he wants? In that respect, I am still the same 18 year old mom I was. Still hoping I will be the best me that I know how to be.

Crawling

Porter has been working on his crawl for a while now. We figured he would be a traditional crawler when he would get up in the crawl position and then get on his tippy toes, sticking his butt high in the air. It took him longer than I thought it would for him to start moving though; he would get up in the crawl position and just rock back and forth like he was starting his engine, but then finally the other day he figured out how to move his hands. He also just learned how to go from the crawling position back to sitting. Sorry this video is so lame. Every time I try to film him on my Flip he seems to know he is on camera and stops whatever it is that I'm trying to film. So instead I was able to get him on my phone which obviously does not have very good quality.

I have balls

So as Porter approached 6 months of age (and has now passed it) I started to think about my thoughts of being a father for the first time. Sure, I have step father status, but that is different than this in a lot of ways. Porter has been such an awesome addition to our family. As he gets older, I am fascinated at how quickly he is changing, how much he is learning and how big he is getting. I spend more than one moment a week amazed that Porter is here and that we get to be his parents. The whole thing blows my mind.

Porter has really become quite the reaching and grabbing little kid. He rarely sits still. If you are holding him, he almost always will see something that he wants to hold and lean and pry his way in that general area, forgetting the fact that he does not know how to walk to get to the item. His crawling is slowly coming around, but at this point it is more of "lean, get up on my knees and push my face across the floor" kinda crawl. Not real efficient. He also sucks on everything. You really have to watch him, as he is an equal opportunity sucker, and will put your flip flop in his mouth if he can get to it.

Another thing that he has recently discovered that just kills me is he now realizes that there is something in between his legs and it is kind of squishy and he can reach and squeeze it. Every time he is getting changed, he immediately goes for his balls, grabs hold and starts wrenching. It makes me queasy. He seems to love it, while the whole time I am saying "soft hands Porter" (he has no idea what I am saying) in an effort to get him from tearing his nuts off his body!

Anyway, I had not written on this blog in quite sometime, so I thought I would just share a few thoughts of the changes Porter is making. He is a wonderful kid and we are really lucky to have him in our lives. Oh and he wanted me to say GO UTES!!!

Beautifying the Backyard

Our home has such a nice yard...mostly. The side, which is almost always in the shade, has beautiful shade plants and ground coverings. The front yard is really pretty with a nice flower bed in the corner. But the back yard didn't have much going on other than a bunch of junky trees and shrubs along the fence line and a really sad old apricot tree in the middle of the yard.

One of the first things we did last summer was turn a random dirt hill (leftover from a driveway expansion I think) into a small flower bed. This year we edged it with rocks and the plants and grasses have just gone nuts. It is so pretty!

This spring we decided to take out the apricot tree. It only took one season of an overabundance of infested rotten fruit, bugs, dead branches almost falling on our cars, and sticky tree mist on our cars to decide it was time for it to go. The tree was very old and half dead, which made it pretty easy for BCH and a friend to chop it down in about 15 minutes. Then, there was the stump to deal with...

 These are various bones and items found buried near the base of the tree.

 After it was all dug out, then the challenge was to get the stump out of the ground.

 Obviously it required more than the strength of two men...

 So then our other friend, Geoff, showed up with his Jeep and tow rope, and a minute later the stump was out

Friends with equipment and knowledge are good friends to have!

BCH cleaned all the debris away from the back fence and edged this area with random bricks we found around our property. We bought some little bushes, flowers, and bark.

Now the back fence area looks a lot nicer. We have a ways to go with the back yard, including putting sod down where the tree used to be (which we will do this fall) and trying to figure out what to do with our ghetto back patio. If you have ever been over to our house at hung out on the patio with us, we have most likely asked your opinion on what we should do. Hopefully we will have something figured out next spring, and a little bit of cash to be able to do something with it!

Newborn pictures

Porter has grown so much that he doesn't even look anything like these pictures. But the pictures are really nice and I still wanted to share them. They were taken by my sister in law, Angie McFarland, at Fotosynthesis Photography and Design. She was unable to use her studio, so they were taken with natural light and I think she did an awesome job! Check her out next time you are interested in a photographer.

 Porter has no choice but to be a Ute fan. There could be worse things in life, for sure!

 We hadn't planned on having Nathan in the pictures, but Angie suggested a couple with him and Porter while wearing his hoodie and they are some of my favorite!

 Look at that hair! It has all fallen out since, but he had a lot more hair (and darker) than we thought he would.

mini pushups and rolling over

Porter hit 15 weeks yesterday (thats about 3 1/2 months in the adult world). He hates being on his tummy so we haven't been that great at putting him on it. But today it just seemed to click - he was doing 'mini pushups' and startled himself by rolling over - thats one way to end tummy time!

Changes

Okay, first off some pictures since blogger wouldn't let me put them at the end of the blog. Porter and I walked to 7-11 to get Gatorade for BCH while he was digging a stump out of our backyard. Too bad its only been nice and sunny here for about 10% of Porters life so far.
The lighting is bad on this one but I love it when Porter just sits on the couch content. Its funny to see him with his brothers because there is such a difference in age and size. Both Tyler and Nathan have been so cute with him and he seems to love interacting with them both.
Took this picture of Porter and I on one of my last days of maternity leave. He was sucking like mad on his hand, and has since started sucking on his thumb exclusively.

So, life continually changes for us, but they are positive changes. Porter is growing up amazingly fast! I went back to work after a 12 week maternity leave (which at times seemed very long and other times went by so fast). Now BCH is home with Porter on paternity leave. I am so glad that he works for a company that is so flexible and willing to let him have a full 12 weeks of leave. It has worked out pretty well, and Porter will have been home with either myself or his dad until he is almost six months old.

Being back at work has been hard to be away from Porter for so long, but its comforting to know he is with his dad (whom he ADORES so much). Its also a little easier to be at work knowing that it won't be forever, because my first day back I turned in my resignation! I am working 5 weeks, but then will be quitting my job (and State employment) June 9th. I wish I could be quitting to stay home with Porter, but I am going to a more flexible job where I can do some of my work at home and plan my schedule around BCH's a bit. This will prevent us from putting Porter in full time day care, which was the one thing we really didn't want to do.

This change is scary (I have worked for the State for 13 years!) but it is also exciting. I have been feeling for a while that its time to move on and learn something else, so I am really looking forward to that part of it. Also I feel really lucky that I had options and had several past coworkers that were interested in hiring me on. That is a really nice feeling in this economy.

Hospital pictures

Blogger is not the best format for loading pictures. Maybe this is why I use Facebook more often for picture sharing. Anyway, here are some hospital pictures, not in the order I want them but I can't figure out how to move them around.

Tyler holding Porter (duh).

Nathan holding Porter. He looks way more uncomfortable than he really is. He is pretty cute with him actually.
Porter sleeping away. This is the second day in the hospital I believe, cause the dent in his forehead is mostly gone.

Porters first bath. We didn't take him to the nursery to bathe until that evening because we had so many visitors the first day. He loved it, and he still loves baths. He just moved his head around under the water while half asleep. So cute!

Porter and I. He got real busy scratching his face right away.

This should be the first picture. Its about 4 minutes after his birth. I am exhausted and I think BCH is super relieved its over. Porter is not so happy and is waiting for his cord to be cut so we could snuggle.

Being weighed. Again, not so happy but who would be after being forced to leave a comfy warm womb. They rounded his weight up to 8 pounds 6 ounces.

All bundled up just chilling in a rocking chair waiting to go to postpartum. I walked around right after delivery, one of the advantages of a natural birth.

I'll post some more pictures another time, its tiring and time consuming to put pictures on here!

Progress!

Things feel more do-able around here now. We have a definite routine (although parts of it are not totally ideal, it does include Porter sleeping for 4 - 6 hours at night regularly) and life seems to have settled down. Things I am happy for right now include:

Porter has transitioned well to his crib. The cradle got old sooner than I thought it would, and he actually seems a little more comfortable in his crib anyway. He also naps well during the day in his crib (most of the time...). We are working on making his room more of a 'fun place' and not just a place he is banished to when it is time to sleep. This is kind of hard since it is sooo small - there isn't even room for a chair. But I've started practicing infant massage in there (he is not so sure about this) and read him some books as well.

"Breastfeeding" is going well. I put it in parentheses because I am actually not breastfeeding him, rather I am pumping and he is bottle feeding. This has been a really good change to make. Porter was a slow lazy eater and we would spend so much time nursing everyday (sometimes as much as 8 or 10 hours!) and still not get everything he needed. It was frustrating and I would regularly sit there and cry while I was nursing. It also makes it easy for BCH to feed him, and for me to be able to be away from him longer than if I was exclusively breastfeeding.

Porter seems happier. I never thought I would be so consumed with the mental status of a 7 week old, but he just seemed so frustrated and upset for most of his first weeks of life. We tease him, but it really is a tough life being a baby and adjusting to the world. He seems to have finally found his stride and we are so happy to see him enjoying things more.

We both get so much time to just hang out with Porter. I feel so lucky that this is the case for us. I still have 5 weeks left of maternity leave, and then BCH will be taking paternity leave and being his primary caretaker at that point. We spend most weekends and evenings just hanging out at home with him, loving him and interacting with him as much as possible. We have had some amazing moments that make the not so fun ones a bit fuzzy. Nathan seems to enjoy interacting with him more (even though he doesn't do 'tricks' yet, as he has requested) and I hope to see even more of that as Porter gets to know him better.

We got birth announcements done this weekend. This has been one of the little things that has been nagging me for a while. I have been anxious to share our cute boy with friends and family, and finally got some of his newborn pictures back so we could make announcements. Now I just need to address them and get them out!

Brandon. He is just awesome! He is the best parent (not that I had any doubts about this) and just loves spending time with Porter - even doing the not so fun things like diapers and meltdowns. He cleans the house more than I do, and has been so great during my not-so-happy moments. Somehow he functions on about the same amount of sleep as me (occasionally more but quite often less) and then goes to work everyday. It can be hard to stay home all day with Porter, but I honestly don't know if I could function everyday like Brandon does. He is amazing.

Six weeks and smiling!

I've thought about blogging many times in the last few weeks but it just hasn't happened. Partly I think because I feel like I wouldn't be able to be very positive. It has been really hard being a new mom again, and I can speak for BCH that it has been quite an adjustment for him as well. Now this doesn't mean that we aren't happy about Porter being in our lives, because already I could not imagine life without him.

I've told a couple people lately that I didn't feel 'too old' to be pregnant, but there are times I feel too old to have an infant. It is really hard getting used to be being on someone elses schedule! I barely remember it from my other boys. BCH and I have spent many years being able to do what we want when we want to. We 'knew' there would be this adjustment, we talked about it frequently, yet actually going through it has been a challenge.

I feel like this week has been a turning point though. Its almost like a switch was flipped on. Porter has been so much more aware of things around him and of us. He recognizes us, responds to us, and has been smiling and making faces back at us. Its been such a reinforcement and makes play time with him so much more fun. I look forward to watching him learn and grow even more.

A blog about Tyler

Not many people can say that they are a mom of a 9 day old AND a 20 1/2 year old, but I can. Although its not a 'traditional' situation, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Tyler is my 20 year old. Last summer I got a chance to get reacquainted with him, and BCH got a chance to get to know him better when he unexpectedly moved in with us. I know that living with your mom and step dad when you are an adult is not anyones favorite thing to do and eventually he will move out, but we have enjoyed having him around the house.

I'm proud of the guy that Tyler has become. He is still young and figuring it all out, but he "has a good head on his shoulders", as they say. Somehow (and perhaps despite mine and his dads parenting) he has turned into quite the guy.

Happy half birthday Tyler!

Porter is here!

Its been eight days since his arrival, so I feel a little lame that I am just now writing a blog about it all, but honestly I haven't even thought about blogging until today. This little guy has been keeping us pretty busy.

Porter was born on his due date, after I woke up with mild contractions about 2 am. I won't go into all the details of my labor, but if you want to read a lengthy post about it let me know and I can direct you to one I've already written. As you may already know, I did have an unmedicated child birth. I've been called a lot of things (like a crazy woman) for doing so, but I have to say its one of the best experiences I have had in my life. Not that by any means it was easy or fun, but I am so glad we prepared and did things the way we did.

Porter was born February 12 at 10:32 am. He was 8 pounds 6 oz and 19 1/2 inches - my midwife had estimated him a little over 8 pounds but I was still surprised he weighed that much - he just doesn't look like it. He has way more hair than we thought he would (at my last ultrasound we were able to see a little hair coming off the nape of his neck) and is just beautiful. Of course I have to say that, but seriously, he is.

Porter left the hospital a bit jaundiced and it got worse the next day, so we had to get a bili-blanket, which is a fiber optic light you put on his back that helps pull the bilirubin out of his liver. We had a stressful few days, going to get blood draws everyday (his poor heels!) and trying to power feed to help flush out his system. He is looking a lot better now and we are done with the daily trips to the hospital.

I'll upload some more pictures later (most likely more than you care to see) but for now here is one.

If you haven't heard...

We picked a name for our new little boy :)

Countdown time!

Its been countdown time for a while now, which of course makes things go slower than normal. We are at 38 weeks now, so he is welcome to join us any time now. Especially now that he is where he is supposed to be!

Forever he was in a breech / transverse position. He loved hanging out up high in my belly, with his butt on the one side and his head on the other. We started getting really concerned about it around 35 weeks, because that meant decisions would need to be made in regards to his birth sometime after 37 weeks. So, I started spending time in an incline position - with my hips higher than my head to try and encourage him to swing that way. "Is it upside down time?" Tyler and Nathan would ask. They found the whole thing pretty amusing. I also went to a chiropractor several times - this one specialized in a technique that would adjust your hips, making it more optimal for baby to want to go down there.

Nothing seemed to be making a difference and at our appointment 36. 5 weeks, we decided to schedule a technique (called a Version) where the doctor manually turns the baby in hopes that he stays that way so we can avoid a c-section. I was pretty bummed out about the possibility of having a c-section instead of the birth we had been preparing for.

A day after we hit 37 weeks, we checked into Labor & Delivery to have the Version performed. I had been super anxious about it and not slept well. BCH was feeling horrible and had just been diagnosed with strep the night before. Lets just say we were not in good shape that morning.

Our midwife Lindsay came in and said the doctor would be coming shortly, but lets first ultrasound and see where he is. I just KNEW he was still transverse - he hadn't felt like he had shifted much to me. Shockingly though, she looked and found his head down by my pelvis. I couldn't believe it! I even said that to her, I could not believe what I was seeing on the screen. We joked about how he must have needed the threat of being physically moved to actually do it himself. What a stubborn little bugger!

He has stayed head down and we are hopeful that he won't move again. So now our focus has been on getting completely ready for him to come. When he was transverse I wasn't anxious for him to arrive because I knew it meant a c-section. Now, we are both really looking forward to it, and to hopefully having the birth that we want. I think it will still be a little while, but I anticipate he will be here before his 'due date' - if history counts for anything.