I am a different kind of mom

I've thought about this subject a lot the last seven months. I'm a very different mom than I was when I had Tyler and Nathan, but that doesn't necessarily mean I am better. Just different. I do truly believe I was the best mom I could be and did the best job I knew how raising them. I think thats all you really can ask of any parent - considering what you know, who you are, and what resources you have. I was such a young mom! I knew nothing about being a parent (although I had many years of babysitting all kinds of kids under my belt), I had no friends that were parents, I had very little educational resources to turn to. I was a very traditional parent, and tried hard to 'follow the rules'. Following the rules meant I was a good parent. What my doctor said was gospel, any advice my mom gave me was truth, and the things I read in the few books I had was the way things should be. I couldn't imagine disagreeing with a doctor or thinking there was more than one way to raise a baby.

Again, I am not saying I am better now than I was then. I mean, look at my older boys! They are awesome. They grew up healthy, learned the things they needed to learn at the right times, and for the most part I think they had a happy childhood and a good life. I almost have a hard time taking much credit in their growing up and would deny I had much to do with it if I hadn't been there myself to witness it.

I am so different now. The world is so different as well. I am a parent of a baby again. A whole different parent it seems. There are so many ways to raise a child these days (and I assume there was also back then, I just didn't know it). I have access to more information on babies and child rearing than I ever could have imagined in my young adulthood. I only have to do some searching on the internet to find out everything I need to know on any subject I want. I can't imagine what it would have taken to find out all the different methods of feeding, sleeping, and raising a child back in the early 90's. I also could not fathom looking at other's opinions and wisdom as advice back then, instead of word. I have a whole different perspective on it all now. I sometimes think the 'me' then would be appalled at the 'me' now.

But here I am, the 'me' now. Raising another boy in this world. Ultimately, I am still worried about the same things I was worried about then. Will he be happy? Will he have a good life? Will I be able to give him everything he needs, and some of the things he wants? In that respect, I am still the same 18 year old mom I was. Still hoping I will be the best me that I know how to be.